Monday, September 10, 2007

Blogland, I have a confession.

There's really no way for me to dance around this, so I'm just going to come out and say it. For the last fifteen years, I have worn the same belt every single day. What's so crazy about that, you ask? Well, perhaps you should look at said belt.



If you're thinking to yourself, "Hey, that looks like a girl's belt from the early 80's," you would be correct.

FREEZE IT.

Yes, you read that right. I have worn a circa 1982 girl's belt every single day for the last 15 years. Please take a few minutes to let this sink in.

Now, why have I done this? Why have I worn this belt for so long? Where did it come from? Why am I now coming out of the closet on the issue? All fair questions, mind you. I've searched my soul seven times over and I can honestly say that I haven't the foggiest. Am I ashamed? I probably should be. But oddly enough, I'm not. I can't seem to find an ounce of remorse for my crime of fashion.

So why now? Why come out with this fifteen years later? Well, I'll tell you why. Today, the belt all but bit the dust. It's had a rough and tumble life. It's been through the thick and thin. And, well, it just wasn't engineered to last forever. Today, I noticed that only a small strand of fake leather is holding the belt together. A small strand of hope. A strand of freedom. A strand that, once severed, will end an era. And for that, I must pay homage. An ode, if you will.

ODE TO BELT

Oh beloved belt of slim.
Your fake pleather and spirited whim.
My pants you held up for oh so long.
My heart doth crush to know you're gone.
While for a girl, you were intended.
My manly hips, you forever mended.
And so it's with a saddened heart,
that I realize, we too, must part.
I hope your journey has been as sweet as mine.
Fifteen years later, oh belt divine.



It goes without saying that Hailey stands in complete protest against this wardrobe faux pas. But, like most of my unfortunate characteristics, she's been forced to shut it out. I can't really gauge how much longer the belt will last. It's a strong belt. A belt of miracles. It could hold on for another month, another week or another day. It's really anybody's guess. But I must face the inevitable and start thinking about a replacement. If you have any recommendations, I'm officially open to them. Thanks for your time and understanding in such a serious matter.

UPDATE: I have decided that when this belt finally dies that I'm going to have it bronzed and situated on a display plaque of some sort. Probably mahogany.

7 Comments:

Blogger more caffeine, please said...

You neglected to mention that it's a size 28.

12:37 PM

 
Anonymous jenn said...

I think the next logical belt would be both braided and leather. Equally shameful and fashionably questionable.

2:07 PM

 
Blogger Hailey Happens said...

It gives me the Heebie Jeebies

7:34 AM

 
Blogger Mark said...

RIP size 28 spandex girls belt. This is possibly the worst news I've heard in the past 15 seconds. Maybe you can steal a new belt from Berlin?

7:45 PM

 
Blogger wendysue said...

Hmm, I was going to suggest that if you did "sweatin' to the oldies" a little, you could lose some pounds and just move down a notch or two, but since mcp noted it's a 28, I see you don't have much weight to lose. . .

I'm stunned the poem made no mention of the fantastic grey fabric with purple trim. W.O.W.

7:49 PM

 
Blogger Elizabeth said...

woah, i think that belt isprobably older than i am.

4:38 PM

 
Blogger robothate said...

I have a lucky sock that is sort of like that belt. I have worn it on my neen for the last 28 years.

5:11 PM

 

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