Why is it a miracle that Hailey married me?

EXHIBIT A: Just look at this dude. Hunkster McHunk. He's all handsome. Confident. And you know he probably drove a jeep.


EXHIBIT B: It's just a miracle this guy didn't seek me out and kill me.

EXHIBIT C: A Ferrari? Seriously? I was no match for this. I drove a Honda CT-70 scooter.

EXHIBIT D: While I considered myself quite the rock star, clearly my rock status could not rival that of Ed Roland from Collective Soul. This fact manifested itself bright and early one morning as I confronted Hailey whilst she was sneaking out to her car.

ME: Hey, how was the concert last night? And where are you going?

HAILEY: Uhh, we won a sweepstakes.

ME: A sweepstakes?

HAILEY: Yeah, we won a sweepstakes to go see them again tonight in Denver.

ME: A sweepstakes to see a show you already saw?

HAILEY: Yeah, a sweepstakes. Gotta go.

EXHIBIT E: I made a card for Hailey that featured pictures of me wearing shirts with different days of the week on them. The card said, "I love you every day of the week." Yes, seriously. I would've broken up with myself right there.

EXHIBIT F: My hair had serious issues.

EXHIBIT G: Apparently I was completely comfortable with dressing like a total wiener.

EXHIBIT H: Even after I proposed, Hailey was hesitant. Just see our wedding announcement photograph.

But somehow I did it. Somehow I emerged from the dust victorious. Despite problematic hair. Despite a mode of transportation commonly associated with the word "dorkus." Despite a schizophrenic wardrobe. Despite all these things, she said yes.

And, as with every miracle, the people celebrated.


Hailey, Happy Anniversary. It's been nine years and I still can't believe you actually married me. I love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love you. (Yes, that's nine loves. I still got it!)

LOVE SONG.