Sunday, October 02, 2005

Last night I realized something terrible. I've become a winker. Yes, a winker.

I discovered this ghastly gesticulation last night while ordering a sandwich from Arby's. A portly fellow, probably in his late 30's, handed me my meal with a rhetorical, "have a nice day," and that's when it happened. I replied with a smile and a wink. It was so inadvertent, that I didn't even notice. But Hailey did.

HAILEY: Did you just wink at him?

ME: Wink? Wha?

And that's when it hit me. I had winked at him. And while it was completely unintentional, it left me utterly disturbed. This sent my mind racing. I thought to myself, "How long has this been going on?" Suddenly my mind filled with vivid instances of previous winkery. How did I become a winker? I mean, in order to be a winker you have to be over 65, wear slippers and jumpsuits, and enjoy Matlock reruns.

ME: Crap. I think I did.

HAILEY: That's creepy.

ME: Well, I didn't...

HAILEY: Like molester creepy.

ME: Whoa, wha?


Blogger La Yen said...

You can counteract the winking by growing a pencil-thin mustache. Oh, no, that would add to the molester0vibe...

9:48 AM

Blogger more caffeine, please said...

Hailey should like winkers - isn't Keith a winker? AND he as a 'stash! And let's not forget Fast Eddy...

2:25 PM

Anonymous gb said...

At least it hasn't developed into the "Tassie Twitch" wherein you, like the majority of all residents of Tasmania over the age of about 35, respond to everyone with a twitch of the head, a wink and a slight clicking noise made by the tongue and teeth. No matter what anyone says to you in a greeting or goodbye or question, you respond with the twitch.

It's too frightening for me to continue describing. I think I need to lay down.

12:52 AM

Anonymous sjw said...

i have to tell you that i can attest to the fact that you are, indeed, a winker. as i have been on the receiving end of said wink a few times...

3:32 PM


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