Marriage has taught me many lessons.

Perhaps the most potent is something I like to refer to as "Subliminally Motivated Gift Giving." Five years ago, I was unaware such a phenomenon even existed. However, it didn't take long before I became well acquainted with it. Or I should say it became well acquainted with me.

I vividly recall our first married Christmas. We were living in a modest little one-bedroom apartment in the Avenues. Excited, I began opening a gift adorned with a loving card, "To: Steve, From: Me!" What could it be, I thought to myself. It was sort of heavy, so it might be something electronic. An ipod? A digital camera?

As I tore away the last bit of wrapping paper, my brain shimmied with confusion (Like when you see someone wearing stretch pants, when they really shouldn't be). I tried to comprehend the gift I held in my hands.

Rogaine.

Next Christmas. As I'm digging through my carefully pre packed stocking, my hands stumble across something interesting. I retrieved the device from my stocking, only to be met with similar reaction.

Nose hair trimmer.

The following birthday. A gift was handed across the dinner table to me with a smile. I eagerly removed the wrapping paper.

Trial gym membership.

Christmas #3. A card? A card could only contain one thing - a gift certificate!

Phew, I was right. Wait a minute.

One free hour facial, including eyebrow wax.