It is not uncommon to hear my wife critique my lack of ability to stand up for myself, specifically in the case of a questionable purchase. If a business were to wrong me in any way things like, "You've got to be more aggressive" and "You can't let them walk all over you like that?" are the first to escape her lips.

Well, this time it's different. This time it's personal. This time, it's the suit.

In deciding to take my wife's criticism to heart, I enlisted the help of my ball-bustin' friend, Jamie to do the dirty work. The following is the e-mail she sent. (Note: The edits in blue have been added for dramatic effect).

Hello you no-good, lying, piles of dirt-sucking butt punches,

A few weeks ago I was informed that my designer-knockoff suit which was still rather expensive, thank you very much order had already been sent to me but I still have yet to receive it, thus throwing me into an active rage of fury and destruction, of which I have no problem bringing down on your empire of lameness. Can you please provide a tracking number if possible? Otherwise, there are good odds that I'll be sending YOU a package of throat punches, only this package won't arrive on time. It'll be EARLY! It is for Steve Babcock in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Thank you! Jerks!

The following is their reply:

Dear Ms. Jamie,

Warm greetings from Bangkok. We sincerely apologise for the delay of Mr. Babcock's order. We would like to inform that we sent out his order since the middle of December, but unfortuntely, his parcel along with with other 14 parcels of our customers, are stuck at the customs in the U.S. Our courier company is in contact with the customs officials in the U.S. at the moment, and they are trying to have the parcels released as quickly as they can.

We hope to get a good positive feedback from them by early next week. Please be a little more patient. We will definitely inform you right away once the parcels are released, and will also compensate Mr. Babcock for the delay and inconvenience that this has caused. Thanking you.

Yours Sincerely,

NEW ROYAL FASHIONS

We would like to inform that we sent out his order since the middle of December? Good postivite feedback? Thanking you?

I'm screwed.