Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Well, this ought to be fun.

So, here's the deal. It's the day before Thxgiving. The day commonly referred to as, "The Busiest Travel Day of the Year." As I write this, I'm waiting for a cab to pick me up and take me to LAX in hopes of being able to fly home to my family for the holiday. Something tells me this is going to be one heck of a day. Watch for real time updates via my Blackberry. And wish me luck. Here goes nothing.

UPDATE | 1:23pm
I made it into the terminal. When I arrived, the security line was nearly coming out the door. A good couple hours to get through it I'm sure. As I approached the line, the TSA Agent decided to inform me of an "alternate check-in that nobody knows about." Just back down that way, take a left and up the elevator to the next floor. I had nothing to lose. I walked down the hall, took the left and headed up the elevator. And wouldn't you know it, as the doors of the elevator opened, I stood before a mini little security check-in. It was glorious. Like a tall glass of lemonade after a week in the desert.

But as I ventured into the check point, I noticed something. Something that wasn't quite right. Yes, something was definitely amiss - the security agents were friendly. Suddenly, my mind filled with doubt. This wasn't a secret check-in. This was the entrance to a top-secret government human reaction testing facility. And once through the gates, I would become the subject of many physiological experiments - most of which would surely involve some form of probing.


I had already removed my shoes. My carry-on had already disappeared behind the curtains of the X-ray machine. I was helpless. I was doomed. This was it. This was the end. There I stood, shoulder squared to the security agency standing behind the detector door. With a uniform wave of his light blue rubber glove, he invited me through. I couldn't watch. I closed my eyes.

Suddenly, I hear the soft sound of a female woman.

WOMAN: I like your bag.

I opened my eyes. I was through security. My items were sitting in front of me in plastic bins. Everything seemed normal. Everything seemed fine. With my heart still racing, I put my shoes back on, gathered my things and proceeded to my departure gate. And while this seems like the exact same United terminal that I've been in many times before, I can't be too sure.

I saw a sale on light blue rubber gloves in the duty free shop.

UPDATE | 2:42pm
I'm boarding the plane. It appears to be real.

UPDATE | 2:54pm
I'm sitting next to a hippie girl with some really bad breath. I'm going to offer her a piece of gum.

UPDATE | 2:56pm
Gum offered. Gum accepted.

UPDATE | 2:59pm
The cabin doors were just closed. I must turn off my phone.

UPDATE | 5:50pm
I've landed in Denver. Aside from the snow on the ground and the sub zero temperatures, it looks familiar.

UPDATE | 6:21pm
I'm getting in my car. Hmph. Guess there really was no top-secret government thing going on. Just a good ol' fashioned, secret security check point. Go figure.


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