Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Have you ever been confounded by the realization that there are both black and white seeds found in watermelon?

If you are anything like me, such a question has plagued your mind for the better part of a holiday weekend. Take this past holiday weekend, for example. (And for those of you who aren't in Utah, the 24th of July is known as Pioneer Day - a state holiday set aside to celebrate the day the Pioneers arrived in the Salt Lake valley and began to set up shop.)

So, there I was, enjoying a hearty slice of melon when suddenly it dawned on me. There are two types of seeds in a watermelon. Some are smaller and white and others are larger and black. What does this mean? Which seed accomplishes what? Germination? I don't even know what that word means really, but it certainly dawned on me (like I mentioned earlier. Go ahead, re-read this paragraph. I said "dawned").

I attempted to shelve the controversial debate so I could enjoy the celebration of pioneer heritage, but found myself literally plagued by the dissension in my mind. I had to find out. I could not consume anymore melon of the water variety until this mystery was put to rest, once and for all.

It was for occasions exactly like this, that the world wide interweb was invented. Besides, if you can't find it on the interweb, it doesn't exist. But alas, access to the netweb was nowhere to be found as I was out partaking in activities akin to the days of old. In fact, from where I pondered, a good twenty or more covered wagons could be seen. All meals were being served on a pot-luck-only basis. Gospel songs of gratitude and survival were being sung. It was as though merely mentioning the word "internet" would be seen as disrespectful to our forefathers.

So I waited.

And waited.

And watched fireworks.

And waited.

In traffic.

Then the moment arrived. As soon as the car was securely parked in the garage, I made a B-line to my laptop. What? Jamison was asleep in his car seat. Surely he'd be fine while I googled, right?

Anyway. Nearly an entire day's worth of agony resulted in this:

"If a regular watermelon has lots of white seeds along with the normal brown-black seeds then it was removed from the vine too early and will not have as much flavor."

So, basically the white seed is an immature black seed.

That's it.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

The following are some of my favorite things Berlin has said since Jamison joined our little family.

- "Daddy? Who's this?"

- "I hold it!"

- "Okay, he go away now."

- "Baby seeping?"

- "Here are the eyes." (accompanied with forceful poking of his eyes.)

- "Be soft?"

Monday, July 17, 2006

My bout with potential obsessive-compulsive disorder continues.

The other day I came face to face with what could possibly be another nail in the coffin of my sanity. I was reading books to my daughter when it dawned on me that I couldn't maintain a desired level of emotional stability if the hardback book I was reading to her had a paper cover sleeve on it. In fact, I couldn't stand it. I jumped up and began removing the cover sleeves from all the books on her shelf. The disposal of which provided a calming sensation that enabled me to finish putting my daughter to bed.

Irregular behavior or perfectly acceptable disdain for the unnecessary?

Sunday, July 09, 2006

The kid has arrived.

He's mellow. We're stoked. Mom is doing well. Baby is doing well. Other kid is wanting to "hold it." Dad is possibly doing well, but can never be quite certain. Either way, I'm pleased to announce everything went as splendidly as can be expected.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Thank you Phillips Bodygroom.

Because of you, my world is now a giant bedsheet made of the finest silk.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Forgive me, bloggers, for I have slacked.

Make no mistake about it. I have a clear understanding of the commitment one makes when establishing an interweb blog portal homepage on the net highway. I fully realize said commitment includes the responsibility to keep one's blog current. If a person goes for weeks on end without an update, they should not be surprised when their neglect sparks fits of retaliation from his/her readers. A relationship based on love and praise will quickly turn into a bloodbath of malice and violence. And throat punches. In the face.

Now, I wish not for bodily harm to be situated upon my feeble frame. It is for this reason that I offer this sincere, heart-felt apology. To illustrate my sincerity, I've provided the following list of life-lessons I've learned over the past couple of weeks. They are yours, at no extra cost.

- While moving into a new house can be exciting, it can also suck goats.

- Trying to paint the majority of the interior of a new house in one night with only three people is impossible.

- Getting stung by a hornet while carrying a very heavy gas grill has unpleasant results.

- Deciding to take down a hornet nest with a broom is stupider than ten stupid things.

- Spraying hornet killer from a good 20 feet away can give a stung man a much-needed sense of retaliation.

- Verbally taunting the nest as you spray it adds a sense of accomplishment.

- Hearing dead hornet carcasses fall from their nest and hit the hard wood of the deck is the sweetest music known to man.

- Realizing there is another, larger nest under the deck can defeat a man.

- Getting stung again, this time on the arm, has unpleasant results.

- A larger yard = more mowing time. Unpleasant results.

- Wearing the same outfit (yes, including undies) for three days straight because all of your other clothes are in boxes somewhere has unpleasant results.

- Trax = good people watching, not to mention a nice way to get to and from work.

- Hairs woven into carpets are just hairs, unless they are someone else's. Then they are unpleasant results.

- Installing crown molding is a lot more difficult than it looks.

- Beware, lest your eyes deceive you. What appears to be a 90 degree angle is not.

- The lady at home depot pronounces the word, "caulk" in a very provocative way. Uncomfortable results.

- Getting three months of Comcast On-Demand when you've been used to having five channels can cause sensory overload.

- Ice makers in fridges have pleasant results.

- Having a shower sans kid toys in it is a privilege and should never be taken for granted.

- It is very difficult not to snicker when telling friends to turn off Johnson Way onto Nutwood Circle and you'll find the Babcock residence.